FCPGM [Fight Coach, Psychotherapist, Gym Momma]

FCPGM 013: The Shame factor of Social Expectations

August 09, 2020 Liam-Og Griffin, James White, Marlene Griffin Season 1 Episode 13
FCPGM [Fight Coach, Psychotherapist, Gym Momma]
FCPGM 013: The Shame factor of Social Expectations
Show Notes

We all know that as children we are to excel at school, be popular amongst our peers and achieve good marks in exams. With a perfect education, we must then get a steady job, settle down with a suitable partner, get married, have 2.4 children, a dog, a cat and buy a house in the suburbs. We work to pay bills and raise a family for approximately 45 years before retiring to take up gardening, golf, crochet or bird watching and of course, we know to make sure to leave enough money behind to cover our own funeral expenses. We know this to be true, right? But who the hell decided all that for us and what happens if we don’t follow the script? In this episode, we talk about social expectations and the shame/guilt that we can be subject to if we don’t conform.

Recommended Books:
Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, by Csikszentmihalyi, Mihaly 2008 https://amzn.to/3krwwJU

Search Inside Yourself: The Unexpected Path to Achieving Success, Happiness (and World Peace), by Chade-Meng Tan https://amzn.to/2PG58JK

Generation Me: Why today's young Americans are more confident, assertive, entitled and more miserable than ever before, by Dr Jean M. Twenge https://amzn.to/2PzH0c1

I Thought it Was Just Me (But it Isn't): Telling the Truth About Perfectionism, Inadequacy and Power, by Brene Brown https://amzn.to/2XKsBht

Rising Strong, by Brene Brown https://amzn.to/2PDoBLe

Mentioned Links:
Unwritten rules: virtual bargaining underpins social interaction, culture, and society, 2014 http://shorturl.at/pwLM9

Social Conformity in a doctors waiting room, Brain Games, Nat Geo 2015

Study on who is likely to deviate from the norm, J Soc Clinical Psychology 2013 https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4984399/

The Scientific underpinnings and impacts of shame:

On the Intensity of Experiencing Feelings of Shame in Mental Disorders. Annette Kämmerer, 2010: http://shorturl.at/ntJU8

Tracking the Trajectory of Shame, Guilt, and Pride across the Life Span. Ulrich Orth et al, 2010:  http://shorturl.at/eoszW

Shame and Guilt: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. Video lecture by June Tangney. Presented by George Mason University and ResearchChannel: https://youtu.be/febgutDYP7w

Infographic: 5 step process to transforming shame with self compassion

Gym Mommas Quote of the Week:
"If we share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can't survive" - Brene Brown

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